Andrew often asks me if we’re “happily married”. This question always incites feelings of both bewilderment and anger, in me.
Bewilderment because what is “happily married”, anyway? And anger because this idea of “happily married” can be such a destructive one. It has the power to separate and destroy while also robbing one of the TRUE joy that can be found in marriage. The idea that we will be “happy” doing anything for decades is absurd! No one is happy for 40 years! There are seasons of struggle. Of pain. Of joy to be sure and of peace and contentment, absolutely. But happiness for 40 years?? Not likely.
So no, babe, I don’t think we have what some would call a “happy marriage”. But what we DO have is this: No one else on Earth has the power to make me feel warm from my head to my toes - with simply a look or a word. You also have the ability to make me so angry my fingers tingle and my ears ring, ha! You know how to see through my bs and at the same time look beyond it to the real me. You make me crazy yet at the same time give me the stability I have longed for my entire life. When I am with you I am always home - no matter where we are. Which makes me grateful yet squirrelly - at the same time, ha! Nothing matters quite as much if you’re not there, though. Beauty isn’t quite as beautiful if you’re not around to see it and experience it with me. I am always slightly “off” when we’re apart.
You see, the Lord has bound our hearts in such a way that we are now two distinct parts of one WHOLE. I reject the idea of “happily married” because to me “happy” is such a trite word lacking in significance and depth - both of which I would use to describe our union. So are we happily married? Maybe. But more importantly is whether we are becoming Holy - pursuing the call the Lord has given US. Our lives are not about doing what makes us happy or comfortable so why would I base the success of my marriage on it? I may not always describe our relationship as “happy” but I would walk to the “ends of the Earth” and back - with you - and I think that’s more important than “happy”, don’t you?