"As She Stood To Preach...": MY STORY OF RE-DEFINITION

As I sit here, fingers poised to type the words I have already written, I pause. This topic is often shrouded in mystery and, not a little, controversy. I hesitate lest I offend or put-off those that may feel rather passionate about their opinion on the subject. But I also fear there may be those who have felt or feel the way I have for many, many years and so I find myself compelled. Please hear me: I am not nor will I ever tell anyone how to feel on this topic. I am simply sharing my experience in hopes that others will be encouraged. So, "the topic". The: controversial, church-splitting, anger inducing, faith-questioning - topic? Women pastors.

She stood to preach and I caught my breathe. She's going to preach today! My stomach began to do that flip-flop thing it does when I get excited and I sat up a little straighter in my seat. This could get interesting. And as she began to speak I found myself scanning the faces of the men in the congregation. I'm not entirely sure what I was "scanning" for. Hostility, maybe. Or contempt. Something that would indicate whether or not they were put-off or offended by her presence there at the front. You see, I had been taught that there, at the front, was sort-of a "No Woman's" land. Women did not preach there. And, yet, there she was. Preaching. But as I continued my, not so subtle, search I found, well - nothing.

No crossed arms. No averted glares. No walk-outs. Nothing. Only respect and honest introspection.

Gratitude and peace began to wash over me as I realized a shift was taking place in my heart. A barrier that had stood between me and my God for decades was literally coming down as I sat motionless in my seat. My whole world, changing as she stood. You see, my whole life, I had been taught I could not be trusted. Me - not just sinner - but female. I was, too emotional. Too Spiritually weak. Too vulnerable to Satan's tempting. But most of all - unequipped and unacceptable.

For someone already struggling with feelings of worthlessness these "messages" from the church sent me running from a God who seemed hostile, at best, toward me simply because of the anatomy I possessed. I began to feel alienated. Like one that would always remain just outside of God's favor. His Love and acceptance virtually unattainable. In my heart, my God merely tolerated me.

These feelings grew deep roots within my heart. Fueling an obsession with finding acceptance wherever I could find it. Even after my decision to follow my Lord, I struggled. With each reading of Genesis 3:16 : "Then he said to the woman, "I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you." I read that my punishment or God's punishment, rather, was that I was to be controlled. That any attempt to lead a man was essentially a sin. Obviously, I was reading something that is NOT there. On the contrary, God is now lamenting the dissolution of His plan for man and woman to live in harmony and mutual-submission. As sin entered the world, the war between the sexes began. And, oh what a war it has become.

As I read this passage now, I "hear" the Heart of my God. His desire is for man and woman - both equally created and equally valued and loved by Him - to live in harmony with one another. And listening to my Sister in Christ preach that day to both men and women I swallowed hard to fight back my tears. Because, I began to realize, possibly for the very first time - God loves me. He purposefully created me. Not as less than or because He desired someone to serve the man - but because He loved me and wanted a relationship with even me!

Friends, my God doesn't regret making me and He is not ashamed of me. I am able to boldly approach His throne because that is HIS desire. He sent His Son to die so that I might do so. Oh happy day!

Lord, thank-you for this visual and tangible redefinition of what it means to be a woman. Not less than but equal-to. Equipped for every good work through and because of the power of Your Holy Spirit. Deeply loved and intentionally created.

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