"Life among the Dead": MY STORY OF LOVING AN ADDICT
I never thought this would be me. I'm not sure what I thought I'd be but this - what I am - is not it.
I do this thing each time my phone rings - I hold my breath. I guess I think that, somehow, if I'm not breathing the tragedy won't hurt as much. Each time it rings I wait for the news, for the call. The one that tells me it's all caught-up with them... I also do this thing when telling disturbing stories of heartbreak - I laugh. I laugh! Short bursts of pained laughter because sometimes crying just isn't an option.
These have become "me" because - I LOVE AN ADDICT.
If you've never loved an addict I'll help you understand. Loving an addict is like loving a dead person. They lack the capacity - unless sober - to love you back. But the memory of who they were keeps calling you. You're even willing to go down into the grave with them - to actually LIVE among the dead! - as long as there's hope that they will live again.
Loving an addict means you're always available - or at least you feel like you should be. What if there's that cry for help, from the grave - and there's not a living person around to help them out? Could you live with yourself?
Loving an addict is full of guilt. Guilt that you survived that Hell-of-a childhood with only minimal scars. That suppressing the pain and memories is not your only means of coping. And that what started out as "coping" has become the thing that is literally killing and stealing - IT ALL.
Loving an addict means praying hard and long. Face down, tears burning, heart pleading, SOUL SHOUTING - "Save them!". Sometimes desperate - mostly numb because - loving an addict is like loving the grave.
The years are exhausting. But you can't give up. This war has raged and is claiming - tens, hundreds, thousands, MILLIONS... So on our knees WE FIGHT. We pray the fervent prayers and we fight hard against the dark. Because loving an addict is NOT loving the dead.
Loving an addict is loving an image-bearer of God.
Loving an addict is loving an immortal; created on-purpose, with a purpose.
Because God wanted you - designed you - LOVES YOU.
I love an addict - addicts, really. And though my heart has broken a thousand times, I will go back for one million. Because, you see, my Lord went to the dark places. He calls me to run to the broken so that His Light would shine there. My strength comes from His strength. And my resolve from His resolve.
Because He sees you.
And He sees me.
And He knows that the only way, truly, out of the darkness is through Him.
Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord!
O Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive
to the voice of my pleas for mercy!
My prayer today is this:
Lord, I pray against the darkness.
For loosed chains.
For the dead to come back to life.
Only You can offer this Hope.
Only you can offer true Life.
Help us in our weariness.
Hear us as we cry-out.
Save those that we love.
Oh, Lord, You are our only hope.
Please share with anyone you think would be impacted by these words. And, please pray for our loved one. Because we are not giving up...
Loving and praying for you all, today.
I do this thing each time my phone rings - I hold my breath. I guess I think that, somehow, if I'm not breathing the tragedy won't hurt as much. Each time it rings I wait for the news, for the call. The one that tells me it's all caught-up with them... I also do this thing when telling disturbing stories of heartbreak - I laugh. I laugh! Short bursts of pained laughter because sometimes crying just isn't an option.
These have become "me" because - I LOVE AN ADDICT.
If you've never loved an addict I'll help you understand. Loving an addict is like loving a dead person. They lack the capacity - unless sober - to love you back. But the memory of who they were keeps calling you. You're even willing to go down into the grave with them - to actually LIVE among the dead! - as long as there's hope that they will live again.
Loving an addict means you're always available - or at least you feel like you should be. What if there's that cry for help, from the grave - and there's not a living person around to help them out? Could you live with yourself?
Loving an addict is full of guilt. Guilt that you survived that Hell-of-a childhood with only minimal scars. That suppressing the pain and memories is not your only means of coping. And that what started out as "coping" has become the thing that is literally killing and stealing - IT ALL.
Loving an addict means praying hard and long. Face down, tears burning, heart pleading, SOUL SHOUTING - "Save them!". Sometimes desperate - mostly numb because - loving an addict is like loving the grave.
The years are exhausting. But you can't give up. This war has raged and is claiming - tens, hundreds, thousands, MILLIONS... So on our knees WE FIGHT. We pray the fervent prayers and we fight hard against the dark. Because loving an addict is NOT loving the dead.
Loving an addict is loving an image-bearer of God.
Loving an addict is loving an immortal; created on-purpose, with a purpose.
Because God wanted you - designed you - LOVES YOU.
I love an addict - addicts, really. And though my heart has broken a thousand times, I will go back for one million. Because, you see, my Lord went to the dark places. He calls me to run to the broken so that His Light would shine there. My strength comes from His strength. And my resolve from His resolve.
Because He sees you.
And He sees me.
And He knows that the only way, truly, out of the darkness is through Him.
Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord!
O Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive
to the voice of my pleas for mercy!
If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
that you may be feared.
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
that you may be feared.
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the Lord!
For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
and with him is plentiful redemption.
And he will redeem Israel
from all his iniquities.
For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
and with him is plentiful redemption.
And he will redeem Israel
from all his iniquities.
Psalm 130
My prayer today is this:
Lord, I pray against the darkness.
For loosed chains.
For the dead to come back to life.
Only You can offer this Hope.
Only you can offer true Life.
Help us in our weariness.
Hear us as we cry-out.
Save those that we love.
Oh, Lord, You are our only hope.
Please share with anyone you think would be impacted by these words. And, please pray for our loved one. Because we are not giving up...
Loving and praying for you all, today.
Loving an addict? I would add that the addict's job is to make sure you can't let go. They thrive on your guilt. They create situations in which you are the bad guy if you don't keep taking their calls, trying to help them solve their problems, and often, but unknowingly put them ahead of your family. Your prayers for the addict must also give you the strength to stop answering the phone, to keep your eye on the future of your immediate family and your own mental health. Your family needs you more than than the addict. Perhaps with time and less communication, you won't be the center of the 'craziness' but the center of love, kindness and happiness. I love you and I love your spirit and your faith.
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