In conclusion...
It occurred to me the other day that I might owe you an, "In conclusion..." or "Eventually I..." or an "And then..." post. You see, I began a journey, of sorts, to better understand this longing I had for more of my Lord. A better understanding of who He is & what He's asking of me. A longing that left me literally asking God for more of Himself. (I blogged about it here: Well That's a Loaded Question!? ) Well, after that initial 'request' something did happen... I got pregnant, ha!? Oh sure, that wasn't the only thing but it was probably one of the most significant 'things'. :^) And if you know me, you know that this pregnancy was unexpected-a HUGE blessing-but an unexpected one. If you know me a little better you will know that 2 days after finding out about our new little "blessing" our daughter's ongoing health issues became more serious. And, I'll tell ya-I was confused!? (And-can I say-very frustrated!)
I had asked for more of my God-which in my mind meant more time with Him spent in meditation and prayer!? Not laying on the couch ready to vomit at any moment!
And certainly not testing blood sugars and overhauling a 2 yr-old's diet... again, I was confused and more than a little frustrated. I wish I could say that I was mature and handled these situations with grace-but I didn't. Not even a little, to be honest. (If you spoke with me those first 2, 3, 4, 5-months you know!?) Oh sure, I didn't flat out rebel. I mean I was grateful for the life growing inside of me (we were even blessed with the home birth we had been praying for)! And we eventually figured-out what was going on with our daughter-which was a huge blessing!!
But I was still frustrated and confused... How was any of this an answer to my request for more of God?!
Seriously, I now had even less time for contemplation and prayer. And let's be real-maintaining consciousness without sleep is hard enough but then you add 2 other (wonderful) children to care for and-oh yea, educating one of them and I was spent before I even got out of bed, most days!
Well, the wiser among us-like anyone other than me-can see plenty of ways I experienced "more" of my Lord during that unexpected season. For example: My pregnancies are never easy-on anyone! And even though I was operating at about 50% I still had 2 kids to care for and the homeschooling, as well as working on revamping the diet of our then 3 yr-old. Needless to say-things got a little intense there for a bit.
But then something quite wonderful started to happen. I began to pray. And I prayed over everything!
I prayed for the energy and grace to complete school in a timely manner-with a good attitude! I prayed for the courage to let go of my (now unrealistic) expectation that my children would only watch 1 hour of educational TV a day and instead resting in God's grace. But the most amazing thing I experienced was the Lord's provision for me through my husband. As I mentioned before, my daughter now had a new, more involving, diet. One that required planning and more than a little finesse to implement, ha! Toss in the fact that I too was on a special diet and we were cooking every meal-every day. Now, I know this may not seem like much. But being able to rest-knowing your child is being nourished is huge! (Many nights he had to whip-up 3 different meals... which is no small feat!?)
This man-my husband-showed me real love in a way that I had never experienced-not ever.
My current situation left me feeling helpless and not even the slightest bit helpful. Up until that point, I had always felt secure in my "usefulness" and in my ability to hold up my end of the bargain. The bargain being: Andrew, my husband, worked outside of the home and brought in the money and I worked inside the home creating the kind of environment that encouraged his and our family's success... most of the time, of course. ;^) So when circumstances changed and I was no longer able to so these things, I felt more than a little vulnerable. Would he still value me when, in the World's eyes, I had no value?And, more importantly, continue to love someone who was so dependent and useless? (I blame some of these feeling on the hormones but not all.) Looking back I see that in just 3 short months the Lord had managed to cut through years and years of damage and "wrong thinking". For you see, I was loved by my husband; Adored even! (And let me tell you-it was not easy!!) And it was almost as if the Lord had used this, rather unpleasant, situation to reset me-in a way.
Essentially, allowing me to experience, at a very basic and human level, His great love for me... And there I had it-more of Him.
I so wish I could converse with each reader (all 3 of you) and hear about how and when the Lord showed you His great love for you. I can imagine that since the Lord knows each of our hearts so intimately each story is as unique as we are! But since I can't, might I encourage you to take a moment and remember... maybe even tell someone you've not told. Heck you can even comment on this blog post! (Assuming you've made it this far in my, rather wordy, post-ha!) And as always, I want to leave you with God's very familiar words and a simple prayer.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
John 3:16
The Message says it like this:
“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him." John 3:16-18
My prayer today is simply: Thank-You, Lord. Thank-You for your love. Thank-You for your grace. Thank-You for your patience. Thank-You for You.
Loving and praying for us all today!
I had asked for more of my God-which in my mind meant more time with Him spent in meditation and prayer!? Not laying on the couch ready to vomit at any moment!
And certainly not testing blood sugars and overhauling a 2 yr-old's diet... again, I was confused and more than a little frustrated. I wish I could say that I was mature and handled these situations with grace-but I didn't. Not even a little, to be honest. (If you spoke with me those first 2, 3, 4, 5-months you know!?) Oh sure, I didn't flat out rebel. I mean I was grateful for the life growing inside of me (we were even blessed with the home birth we had been praying for)! And we eventually figured-out what was going on with our daughter-which was a huge blessing!!
But I was still frustrated and confused... How was any of this an answer to my request for more of God?!
Seriously, I now had even less time for contemplation and prayer. And let's be real-maintaining consciousness without sleep is hard enough but then you add 2 other (wonderful) children to care for and-oh yea, educating one of them and I was spent before I even got out of bed, most days!
Well, the wiser among us-like anyone other than me-can see plenty of ways I experienced "more" of my Lord during that unexpected season. For example: My pregnancies are never easy-on anyone! And even though I was operating at about 50% I still had 2 kids to care for and the homeschooling, as well as working on revamping the diet of our then 3 yr-old. Needless to say-things got a little intense there for a bit.
But then something quite wonderful started to happen. I began to pray. And I prayed over everything!
I prayed for the energy and grace to complete school in a timely manner-with a good attitude! I prayed for the courage to let go of my (now unrealistic) expectation that my children would only watch 1 hour of educational TV a day and instead resting in God's grace. But the most amazing thing I experienced was the Lord's provision for me through my husband. As I mentioned before, my daughter now had a new, more involving, diet. One that required planning and more than a little finesse to implement, ha! Toss in the fact that I too was on a special diet and we were cooking every meal-every day. Now, I know this may not seem like much. But being able to rest-knowing your child is being nourished is huge! (Many nights he had to whip-up 3 different meals... which is no small feat!?)
This man-my husband-showed me real love in a way that I had never experienced-not ever.
My current situation left me feeling helpless and not even the slightest bit helpful. Up until that point, I had always felt secure in my "usefulness" and in my ability to hold up my end of the bargain. The bargain being: Andrew, my husband, worked outside of the home and brought in the money and I worked inside the home creating the kind of environment that encouraged his and our family's success... most of the time, of course. ;^) So when circumstances changed and I was no longer able to so these things, I felt more than a little vulnerable. Would he still value me when, in the World's eyes, I had no value?And, more importantly, continue to love someone who was so dependent and useless? (I blame some of these feeling on the hormones but not all.) Looking back I see that in just 3 short months the Lord had managed to cut through years and years of damage and "wrong thinking". For you see, I was loved by my husband; Adored even! (And let me tell you-it was not easy!!) And it was almost as if the Lord had used this, rather unpleasant, situation to reset me-in a way.
Essentially, allowing me to experience, at a very basic and human level, His great love for me... And there I had it-more of Him.
I so wish I could converse with each reader (all 3 of you) and hear about how and when the Lord showed you His great love for you. I can imagine that since the Lord knows each of our hearts so intimately each story is as unique as we are! But since I can't, might I encourage you to take a moment and remember... maybe even tell someone you've not told. Heck you can even comment on this blog post! (Assuming you've made it this far in my, rather wordy, post-ha!) And as always, I want to leave you with God's very familiar words and a simple prayer.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
John 3:16
The Message says it like this:
“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him." John 3:16-18
My prayer today is simply: Thank-You, Lord. Thank-You for your love. Thank-You for your grace. Thank-You for your patience. Thank-You for You.
Loving and praying for us all today!
Thank-you, friend. Thanks for reading all of this, ha!? And thank-you for supporting and challenging me on this journey. Grateful for your friendship! :)
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